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Igor Crack and Idle Tigers sing​.​.​. the Songs of Ceramic Sam

by Igor Crackle and Idle Tigers

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1.
I am Ceramic Sam. That is who I am. You'd better look out. I'm coming for yer. Gonna make you fidget in the corner. Gonna offer economy entertainment. Gonna make you tremble with disappointment. I am Ceramic Sam. That is who I am. In a retail situation Proved unpopular Hugely unpopular
2.
In this movie The Main Character Has Got No Face A movie is being projected On His Head Where his face is supposed to be. It's a movie about a man With a bad case Of Indianapolis Face. And he sings a song called Thursday's style Is stupid smile.
3.
I'm abreast of all the current affairs. I read a report that indicates that rats are able to laugh and express joy. But the report I'm afraid was unable to prove that they have a sense of humour. Only a rat could answer that. Rat What you laughing at?
4.
My six year old boy was in tears today. Hahahahahaha! He was scared of the waiter and scared of the food. Hahahahahahaha! The waiter was playing the clown with the food We could not understand why he acted this way We will never go back to this place again. We will never go back to this place again.
5.
I am an expensive Swiss Chocolate Easter Bunny. One night after the chocolate shop had closed & the cashier & the manager went home, I started chatting with the cute little white chocolate bunny who sat beside me on the shelf. And we... How should I put this? Well we... Quite frankly we broke each other. I had goo inside that dripped down onto the floor. She caved in. She was hollow. I should have known better than to mix with cheap American chocolate.
6.
Mae West never looked like that She never wore those clothes Whether Ronald Reagan's face was really broke in half And fixed again with sellotape, It's possible, I suppose. History does not record. Tell you what, take home this lot in your truck tonight Take home something nice for your wife. I'll throw you in a pair of hands Caucasian, rather small. I'll throw you in an extra head It fell off Gary Glitter. We don't have him no more.
7.
I'm not going to stand here like a lemon having you stare at the dent in my head, wondering what I was known for in my time. Turning my nametag around. Positioned me like I just babbed myself. Your grandmother wants me in her basement for her birthday Your grandmother wants me in her basement for her birthday everyone wants to be in your grandmother's basement when the shadow falls over the doorway (in the middle of a bleeding desert)
8.
I'll tell you something mate I'll tell it to you and the kiddies for a fiver I'll tell you something mate An evil spirit lives inside a Waxwork reject head of Thomas Edison Thomas Edison's head, his ugly head is not screwed on. He is picking up bad vibrations Butchering a radio ham No-one wants him in the room Is he a candle or is he a man? I'll sell you something mate I'll sell it to you and the kiddies for a fiver I'll sell you something mate.
9.
You carried me home I became your uncle But you kept me away From family functions You buried me deep In a concrete bunker I peep through the pavement Directing operations From here, Waxily. Did you involve me in your rituals just for a laugh? Don't let the kids Dress me in trash Or smother in glitter My horsehair moustache My face by the boiler All melted and squashed I used to be… Who did I used to be? Well known Well known
10.
11.
TodayI made a brain out of clay shaped like a cauliflower and then I painted it gray. I filled it with questions and then I massaged it. Nice brain good brain there there. And then I made a tongue out of rubber. And it licked the clay brain. And it wagged & wagged & wagged. Arts & crafts.
12.
Severance 01:12
My wife has left me To pursue a love affair with Charlie Chaplin I cannot compete with that. He's cooking flowers for her tonight He's rollerskating on the edge of a ledge He's running away from a horse that hates his guts I am in the hospital I'm doing as well as can be expected. Charlie Chaplin. I'm gonna slap him.
13.
I have a comedian's spirit But I'm not very funny. One stagehand planted among the miseries Laughing out of loyalty. Fat above footlights, On boards full of termites. The set like the unfinished cities I'm pulled through in dream-nights. Prowling alone through my pisspoor performance No laughter in the applaudience So serious in the auditorium. There's always an unruly element There's always a few stupid idiots who spoil it for everybody else. Now then, can we have a volunteer? You sir, you, come on up here. So they walk him up but his heart isn't it. He looks like he's due to expire in a minute. You look as hungry as the five-thousand-and-first person At the feeding of the five-thousand. You look like you crashed the helicopter In a performance of Stockhausen. You look like you're ready to make your debut in injury time at Paschendale. You look like you were painted by Monet, after his eyesight failed. Give us a smile. Give him a big hand everyone. Give him a big hand. But they have small and bony hands. And there's always a few stupid idiots who spoil it for everybody else. Alright. Kill the lights. The unfinished streets I stalk through at night, I forget how to sleep, a bad day at the office Weight off my feet, crumbs round my orifice The set in my head Sat on the bed He shat on my party spread And shot me in the head He gives us a smile And for a second I regret my frivolous deathstyle There's always an unruly element There's always a few stupid idiots who spoil it for everybody else.

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released February 1, 2014

Sound and text by Ross Hawkins and Thomas Myernick

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Superintendent Idle Tiger Toronto, Ontario

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